I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
