I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
