i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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