So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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