My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
