using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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