Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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