there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
