And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
