I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
