john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
