she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
