There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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