You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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