i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
