I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
