Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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