i jhust puked up my retainher.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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