i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
