she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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