it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize