hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
