I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
