I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
