so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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