I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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