Just fell off a train. Bad.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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