It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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