I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize