I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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