i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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