he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
