I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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