If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize