somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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