Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
