Sry I called you an 8
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize