last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
