Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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