you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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