Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
