Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Shame - the story of my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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