yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
