i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
