Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize