You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I color on your dick again?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
