After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
