The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
