What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
