Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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