Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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