Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You left your phone here
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