Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
