i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dear god my vagina.
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