the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
