my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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