community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize