Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
