i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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