Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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