If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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