how can u be prego again
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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