I just made out with a guy for $7.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize