allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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