I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
