The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
