Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
