I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
