apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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