mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize