Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
