Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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