the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
