So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
